I’m not going to go through a litany of causes, effects and excuses. 2017 was the year I finally said ‘Enough’ and I have never looked back. I no longer wanted to argue with my adult children nor was I going to beg to see my grandchildren anymore. I didn’t like how I was treated under Medicare, so I stopped going to my doctors. There’s no reason for me to worry about money anymore because I have enough. For myself. I don’t care anymore about the needs of my Significant Other. He’s on his own.
I don’t know if this has anything to do with the aging process or is it just a defense mechanism to keep my own self functioning. Self preservation is what I call it. I don’t care where my DH wants to live, what he wants to do or where he wants to go. I only care about my own needs. I don’t care what other people say or how they feel. If they’re morons, I tell them to their face. I also tell them to stay out of my way.
I’m tired of the lies, deceit and falsehoods. I’m tired of the bullshit. I’ve had enough of this crap and I will say no more about it. 2017 was the year I told everyone to go fuck themselves. 2017 was the year I could join other women and share my #metoo story without feeling any guilt, shame or remorse. It was the year I could be honest with myself and tell all who would listen what happened to me. How did I become me. How I was going to once and for all change me. And be me. 2017 was the year I could finally tell all those people I didn’t want to see anymore, I didn’t want to see them anymore.
2017 was the year I didn’t have to go anywhere. I didn’t have to compete with anyone. I didn’t have to prove anything to anyone. I didn’t have an agenda to fulfill. And most importantly, I didn’t have to listen to anyone’s justification stories.
2017 was the year I didn’t have to return phone calls or answer emails or texts. I could just let them suspend in cyberspace.
2017 was the year I didn’t have to do anything.
2018 will be the year I do whatever it is I want to do.